Tattoo Monster

I hadn't thought much of my little exchange with Ryan Seacrest - until the phone calls started coming in! Somehow the word had spread within the elite Hollywood community and the portal to the stars had opened up. All sortsa people I had only ever seen on TV were calling in to schedule a meeting with me. Was I turning into Hollywood's agony aunt? I decided I'd ride this ride while it lasted. I frequented LA a lot more and I was in LA again waiting in a cafe to meet one of my new 'clients' sipping on herbal tea (how Hollywood changes you)...

From what I'd read and heard of him in the tabloids and on tv - I was prepared to dislike him. I had to remind myself that my profession required that I remain unbiased. He walked in through the door and quite literally the hair on my arms stood up. He was wearing a white Harley Davidson tshirt and lose blue jeans and a blue cap - the art on his arms was jumping out at me and everything about him screamed - MAN!!! I waved over to him and he pulled up the chair next to me and sat down like he owned the place. Everything about him was so self-assured, so relaxed - he was like a smooth panther settling in his lair. Testosterone was oozing from this man and when he opened his mouth I expected to hear a gruff, loud voice. Instead I heard a soft, supressed "Hello, I am Jesse James."

Jesse James

After exchanging pleasantaries and talking about random stuff for ten minutes, Jesse still hadn't opened up to me about why he wanted this meeting. Maybe he was nervous - I thought I'd urge him on. "So tell me Jesse, what did you want to talk to me about - does it have anything to do with what transpired in your marriage?" His body tensed - "No I do not want to talk about her or all the stupid things I did. I've already wrung that towel dry" What was it I saw in those steel grey eyes...hurt, anger, shame...regret! Somehow that touched me. Part of me expected him to be nonchalant about it. Treat it like it was no big deal - that it was in past and over and done with. That Jesse was still emotionally affected by it softened me towards him. I urged on - "Ok so how can I help you today, Jesse?"

Jesse's current nagging worry was his present relation. After the self-sabotaging breakdown of his previous marriage he wondered if marriage was even the right track for him. "Maybe I'm just not meant to be happy...maybe I'm my worst enemy". I shared my analysis - before you can move forward with a new relation, you need to examine the past one - you need to recollect all of it - the good, the bad , the ugly - what you did right and why you had missteps. You're a man's man Jesse - you ride fast bikes, you're a tatooed bad ass, once married to a porn star - everything about you screams strong, independent, bad boy, rock star! You have to ask yourself how marriage to a very famous celebrity, america's sweetheart - a bright, beautiful, no-drama, lady of class made you feel. Sure you felt like the luckiest man when she decided to be your wife - but did mariage to her also make you feel "tamed" and "domisticated"? Did it feel like in being Sandra Bullock's husband, in getting your life in order, in smoothing over all the previous drama and leading a "normal" life you were losing the Jesse James you once were? When a man is used to living on the edge, getting a rush doing dangerous things-  he craves that excitement. When everything in life is going great and wonderfully normal - is it leaving you antsy - do you crave to be on the edge again. Alert and alive!

I am a firm believer that humans were not designed for monogamy. Their DNA is not programmed to be with only one partner for their whole entire life. And yet we all subscribe to the notion of marriage. Heck even the world's best known playboy - Hugh Hefner - has explored that minefield more than once! Why do we go for it? what is it that marriage offers that we dare to attempt it over and over again, in the hopes of getting it right? You have to ask yourself what you are looking for in a marriage and share your thoughts with your potential mate. No one says you need to stick to someone else's notion of marriage - if we can fight to change the very foundations of marriage - that it need not be only between a man and a woman - why can't we change the parameters & boundaries of marriage. Your marriage should be you playing out your partner's and your idea of the marriage. And remember the length of a relationship is not a measure of its success. Just be clear, have rules, make commitments and when you take the vows stick with it. And when you think you can no longer play within the boundaries - that's probably the time to call it quits. The idea that you can have your cake and eat it too, by cheating inside a marriage is deceptive and disrespectful and that is what causes the most grief and guilt.

Jesse was nodding a lot and talked a lot more about his feelings and by the end of our session seemed relieved and freer - like a weight had lifted off his droopy shoulders. We parted ways - not before I got a bear hug from this macho man. Ummmmm, its not hard to imagine why Jesse gets his women. I only hope I helped him get himself a little better today...